Testimony from Beth Inca
On: Sathya Sai Baba Discussion Club, message 3580:
Date: 12/11/01 9:44 p.m.Re: To Beth (How did you become an ex-)?
Andries, my story isn't unique or special enough to warrant a spot on snowcrest/sunrise...
Also, I don't think I wish to reveal my real name publicly... not to this group... lol... but I have revealed almost everything else about me... LOL
Here's some verbal diarrhea for you... lol:
I was a devotee since 1985. Never went to India. Had some inner experiences... but ??? And then I started to get upset at Baba when I would read some of his writings and hear his speeches. I was growing weary of the same old messages, the same old stuff... even though I really was not so interested at first in his teachings. I wanted something from Baba... I wanted a healing from him. so I was not there to be a student exactly or a devotee, but I am always willing to learn.
I wanted him to be more of a contemporary man who related to modern problems and address those issues. He does not seem to be, verbally anyway, one who is up with the real world. Bottom line... I was bored. And I lost my interest in going to India, for the most part. Gave up on any miracles happening to me.
I would have mental arguments with him and I would get upset at him for being so remote etc... and for pandering to Indians only etc... and not being a true *universal* teacher... stuff like that. I believed wholeheartedly at one time that he was the AVATAR of the AGE. But I was dismayed that the Avatar of the Age did not seem to relate well to the West at all.
I also had some dreams and feelings about him that made me feel alienated from him. I rationalized though, that it was me who was projecting that onto him.
I disagreed with some of the advice, *for me*, not necessarily for others. I slowly grew tired of his teachings etc... they were not addressing current life, or life for western devotees etc... or addressing what was going on in the world re: the apocalyptic changes.
But I still can feel his power.
But still I felt attached to him and afraid to release him. I am not sure what caused that... afraid maybe that I would loose his protection and blessings...
THEN, all the accusations and stories came out and I felt that I was being set free. But it still took me two years to come to any finality on the whole thing. I only did that a few months ago. I was still not willing, I guess, to completely let go.
At first I was afraid I was possible guilty of misjudging him and I didn't want to do that. So, I stayed half way in denial. But then, like you said, the testimonies out there are beyond reasonable proof of guilt... for the sexual molesting part of it anyway. It is almost like a strong veil is surrounding you and its hard to break through the veil, the mist, completely and accept the accusations as real.
As far as the teachings and the intentions of SSB, he is an enigma because I think he really is here on earth to help in some ways. But I sure don't understand (at all) what he doing to young boys/men.
So, I call him an enigma and don't think about it too much anymore. I do believe that the expose should go on and see where it takes us. I do believe that the sexual molestations should be exposed.