From :
Australia
Source:
Hans de Kraker
Subject : PERSONAL
EXPERIENCES
Date: Friday, 19 May 2000
From: Hans de Kraker
Re: Sai Baba
Dear David, Faye and Glenn,
Long time no hear! Finally I have taken the
time to put some of my experiences with The Great Deceiver on paper. I really
appreciate what you are doing. I think it is absolutely vital what you are
doing because a lot of harm is being done and this needs to stop. Not doing
what you are doing defeats the purpose of all those years of travel to India.
We all went there to find the truth after all.
As I had told you I travelled to India extensively
for a period of 4 years. During this period (1992 - 94) I had many (35) private
audiences with Sai Baba.
I got to know him in 1988 through a friend, in
Italy who had passed on a book. After about four years I made my first trip to
India with my girlfriend, mother and father. The years that followed were
making for some very intense years in my life. Sai Baba fairly much from the
first private audience had suggested to me and my girlfriend that we were to
split up from eachother for our own good. He did this in a very public and
embarrassing way, purposely humiliating my girlfriend and myself. We had built
a lot of "faith and mystery" around him and had by now accepted him
has a God incarnate on earth, the epitome of spirituality, the epitome of human
divine spiritual expression.
There were many books written by people from all
parts of the world that spoke about miracle after miracle. People had cured
from fatal diseases by virtue of touching jewellery "materialised by
Swami". He "appeared" in front of people in all different parts
of the world. Millions of people travelled to India to see "God on
Earth". Millions of People came and cried upon his sight, some were cured
of their illnesses, some freed of their anxieties of life and some died in
peace. Some left laden with trinkets or real golden rings, watches, pendants,
all materialised by "Swami".
Sai Baba has been enjoying a lot of popularity in
the West. He has a great ability to play with and communicate to large crowds
of people. It is this particular power that allows him to manipulate people.
It takes a Great Man not to abuse this power...
During these four years of travels to India, Sai
Baba would perform a certain ritual each time he would call me in for a private
audience or interview. He would ask me to take down my pants. He would than
"oint" my umbilical area; testicles and penis with oil which he
"materialised". After this ritual he would ask me to pull up my pants
and tidy them up. I had heard of this ritual and it seemed to be "common
knowledge" that this was done to balance the sexual energy or Kundalini. I
had never thought anything of it. When I was in Elementary School in Holland,
the school doctor used to check and touch your testicles to see if you were
growing properly. I likened this ritual to a visit to the doctor. It was just
for a different purpose. Very unassumingly I continued to receive this
treatment, convinced it was going to do me some good!
Each and every trip he would
"materialise" trinkets, jewellery, "vibhuti" and oil. I
noticed that he was particularly generous with the people that donated a lot of
money or equipment for the various kitchens in the Ashram. I did also notice
that he would call in a lot of young guys out of the crowd and never girls.
In one particular interview, I saw him take a ring
from under the handkerchief that was on the armrest of his chair. I thought not
much of it. I never really attached much value to the materialisations and knew
that the receiver was going to be an ecstatically happy person... Shortly
after, one of my friends in the group said to me: " Gosh, what a test!
Swami wanted to show me that he did not materialise the ring, but that he took
it from under his handkerchief! Isn't he funny! He is really testing us!"
I did not give it any focus; I never had focused much on these materialisations
and the thought of accepting that he was not actually materialising these
objects was probably very unattractive tough for my mind. I had also received a
ring, two bracelets and a necklace so I guess I had satisfied that desire!
Through the years I got more and more attention on
a personal level from Sai Baba. This went accompanied with receiving VIP
seating for doing work in the kitchen. As the crowds grew over the years it
became increasingly difficult to see "Swami" up close. There was a
preferred seating area for people who worked in the kitchen since they were not
able to "do the lines". They often worked until 30 minutes before
Darshan. Arriving that late they would always find themselves sitting in the
back of the large crowd, so by getting this "reserved seat" they were
able to every now and then have a close encounter with "the
Master".These groups were organised in lines of two or three and rotate so
that everybody got a fair chance.
Although initially I was very much against this
way of operating, I succumbed to my desire to get a close encounter with the
"Master" and accepted a preferred seat the third time it was offered
to me. After two years I had become a "steady member" of a group that
would travel to India three times a year, to do volunteer work in the Ashram.
The group would cook food for upto 6000 people around the festivals and various
multi-religious celebrations (Christmas, Shivaraatri etc) The group would bring
thousands of kilo's of food at its own expense as well as a lot of industrial
kitchen machinery etc. There were many other groups that brought help in some
form or shape and it was beautiful to be part of this enormous "collective
effort".
Our group had a place of its own. We did not have
to wait in line and had always-front row seating. On some occasions (on
Festivals and Celebrations) we were even allowed to sit on the veranda. We
would always get to see "Swami" from up-close and feel very
fortunate.
The ego was certainly satisfied with this powerful
position! So many people wanted to be close to him. Millions of people
travelled to get a glimpse of him and here we were right up front! It is
incredible how the mind comes up with justifications when it suits our personal
purpose.
During one of the last visits, there was a young
guy who had travelled with us from Italy. He had not been to India before. He
accompanied his girlfriend and her father, who was part of the group. Shortly
after we arrived in the Ashram we got our usual immediate welcome interview in
which Sai Baba was briefed on what we had brought from home as well as our
personal, business and daily life problems
Sai Baba called in this particular young man
again, a few days later by him self. He was given a watch! "Swami"
had materialised a watch for him! He came to me fairly shortly after and was
quite shocked (like most people were, all for their own different reasons). He
asked me to explain him something;"Swami hugged me, and then kissed me, on
the lips and tried engage me by probing my mouth with his tongue". When I
heard I was very shocked. This young boy (18/19) was quite confused and asked
me what I thought of it. He had thought of Kundalini and that it was to
"balance his energy". I did not know. I told him that that could be
the case but that I did not know.
We both talked about it for some more time. I told
him about the ritual that I had been going through over the past years and this
was maybe something in that line...
On one of our trips to India I remember bringing
so much, we thousands of kilos of overweight. Among the things the group
brought were watches. These hundreds of watches were destined to go to the
students. Not long after arriving we brought some of the things we had brought
to the front door of the Poornachandra, in front of Sai Baba's house. I very
kind gentleman would be from who the offerings came and that Sai Baba was
expecting them (especially after the attempt on his life there was a very
strict security control).
Only a few weeks later, I encounter a student, who
proudly tells me that his watch was materialised by Sai Baba! He was as happy
as I was astounded. And again I decided to stuff the thoughts I had away,
saying to myself that it was great that this boy was so happy and that the
philosophy was what was important and not where this watch came from. I decided
that that which was instilled in this boy through this gift was going to help
him in life to be the person that he aspired to be. In that same period a friend
approached an another person of our group from Europe who had received that
same watch. He had asked my friend why he got that watch...
During another trip a friend came along who was
ill with cancer. She wanted to give an ambulance to the hospital. She was
included in the group by the leader of our group. It was suggested that buying
an ambulance was to complicated. So she donated a large sum of money. The next
day she got an interview on which she received a "materialised ring".
In my last trip to India (November of 96), I
arrived early from Australia and my friends from Europe had not arrived yet.
The usual kitchen managers were no longer running the kitchen. Upon arrival,
Sai Baba asked me to reopen the Western Canteen and start making food for Breakfast,
Lunch and Dinner. I collected a group of people, (was ordered/recommended by
ashram management not to allow any Sri Lankans in the kitchen! All people I
appointed were screened by the management) and started working. Several days
later, my friends from Europe joined me.
We had several interviews together. It was around
the 10th of December that they left, except for one of my close friends. We
spent some beautiful moments together. It was almost as if we were like the
apostles around Jesus. We were moved even further ahead now and we were seated
in the ashram management area, very close to the front. Sai Baba came to us
every and each Darshan and would have a chat with us. These were very special
moments. We felt very privileged.
The day of my friend’s departure, we were called
in for an interview together. Sai Baba materialised another bracelet for my
friend and for me. In this same trip he had "materialised". (One of
my friends was "tested' and saw him bring the object from the neighbouring
room) a jar of amrith, "divine nectar" with a spoon which he used to
give us all a spoon after which he said; "From now on no more bad karma
and no more bad luck in your life" "You are very special people, this
is a privilege! There are so many people out there and you are the lucky
ones!" When I asked him why he said that all our hearts were pure and that
there was not self interest involved in the work we did (we had many power
struggle and quarrels over positions in the group, just like any other group of
humans may have).
My friend had now left. I was by myself and was
called in a few days after he had left. I went into the interview room and was
given a private audience in a separate room. When in this separate room, he
asked me how things were in Australia. He told me that he would give me every
thing, money, a house, a wife EVERYTHING!
He then signed me to come closer and hug him.
He had earlier that trip asked me to kiss him on
the cheek, while I was helping him getting something from a room adjacent to
the interview room. This was a little room where he kept his gowns. It was his
custom to give a gown to people for healing purposes (it was common believe
that "hugging" a gown could cure a disease), or when they had opened
one of his centres. He asked me to help him get something from that room. While
leaning over to get something from a lower shelf in the closet, when rising he
pointed at his cheek, indicating that he wanted me to kiss him. I did so, very
surprised and kind of suspicious. I come from a country though where man and
women irrespective of sex, kiss each other on the cheek three times. So after
my first suspicion, relativised everything back to normal (I am still amazed
today, how far ones mind can go!)
So back to that moment where he asked me to come
closer. He then hugs me ( I am on my knees and he is seated on his chair-there
are no people present). He now turns his face and puts his lips on mine; my
head his spinning and my mind is running at 500 kilometres per hour. I don't
know what to do! My mouth tightens up, and I feel extremely uncomfortable and
confused with this "perceived incarnation of GOD on earth trying to kiss
me on and in my mouth!! Sai Baba slaps me on my cheek and says "Loosen
up!!! With other people not OK with Sai Baba OK " I am even more
uncomfortable now and feel disgusted at the same time.
Sai Baba realised his and my predicament and
decides not to continue. He now tells me again that he will give me everything
and stands up and tells me to do padnamnamaskaar. As I go on my knees, and
touch his feet with my forehead, he pulls up my arms and indicates he wants his
calf muscles massaged. Although very uncomfortable with everything that had
happened I still continued to listen to him. Many people knew how he liked having
his calve muscles massaged and I had seen respectable men and women of all
walks of life do the same thing....he now takes my head and pushes it quite
firmly into his groin...he then pulls up my arms and asks me to go higher and
higher and higher...NOW I AM HOLDING HIS BUTTOCKS AND WONDER WHAT THE HELL MY
DIVINE MASTER IS ASKING ME TO DO!!! Fuse!!! Crash! I let go my arms and now I
am even more shell shocked...he pulls up his dress, presents me his half-erect
penis and invites me to take up my "Good Luck Chance":
"This is your Good Luck Chance"
I am now on my knees facing his erect penis, being
asked to perform oral sex. He stands there, and I think:
AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?
COULD I DO THIS?
-.....-
I then instinctively stretch out my right arm and
put on the part of his chest which hides his heart and say:
"I don't want this Swami, I want your
heart"
He now drops his dress and tells me: "Yes yes
yes of course you have my heart"
He now asks me to take my pants down,
"discovers" my penis is not erect and tells me that that is how it is
supposed to be!
"Swami is inside there see, Swami is inside
there."
Hell NO! That is Mine and Mine! And you are
certainly not in there!
I thought
He asks me to do Padnamnamaskaar again
and again
he pulls up his dress
"This is your second Good Luck Chance"
he said.
I refuse and get up without saying anything. I am
now angry, confused and dazed. I feel burning! God just took a backdoor! A very
clever manipulator and professional deceiver had just trashed the fundamentals
of the past eight years of my life. I had abstained from any sexual activity
because he had suggested it was good for my spiritual Evolution. He had
harassed and embarrassed my girlfriend and myself because of our difference in
age, while he was hitting on someone 42 years his junior...He had told us to
break up our relationship and for what reason?! So he could have a go?!?!
In reality I pulled the carpet myself from under a
mental castle which I had built myself. I am responsible for that, he is for
abusing the good faith of people, their trust, to the point of putting their
life on the line and actually loosing it
Devastation
Devastation
He asked me to keep this quiet, to not say
anything to anyone
I walked out of the interview room and run to my
room.
I lock myself in.
I black out until 6am the next morning (from 5 PM
the day before)
The next morning people that apparently came to my
room and knocked approached me on the door.
Someone had called Europe even and told the leader
of the group. I got a call from her the morning after. She expressed concern
and told me people had seen me walking out of the interview room all pale…then
they tried the apartment but I had locked myself in. She asked me what had
happened. "Did he try to have sex with you" I told her that it was
something between him and me. I did not want to talk about it.
The first few days after I sit in darshan at a
distance, not wanting to be close. I look at the masses and masses of people
and wonder how he manages to handle all these people."Who are you!" I
ask myself...a few weeks pass…. I get another interview with a group of Germans
/ Russians. My attention is elsewhere and Sai Baba monitors every move of my
eyes. I see his ring trick and how he tosses the old ring between the pillow
and the armrest of his seat. I look at this Older Russian lady who is crying
while she sits in front of him. He is playing the crowd, and all of a sudden
the GODhead has become a bad trickster. In the mean time the group has arrived
from Europe and we are all working hard in the kitchen. I had thrown myself in
the work to forget something, which I was trying to refuse to accept: reality.
There was a big power shake up in the kitchen and
I had no interest to participate in the whole situation any longer. I had a
chat with the leader of the group because I had not been going to darshan
anymore. My last day in the ashram I talked to the leader of the group. Again
she insists that I tell her what happened." So did he try to have sex with
you?" was the question. Tired of it all I told her what had happened. This
was the evening of the fourth or fifth of January. Immediately after she has an
interview with Sai Baba, by herself this time, without the rest of the group.
After she comes out of the interview room, several hours later, I am summoned
to an elderly gentleman from Security, whom I knew well, with whom I had build
a friendship. Several years before,
when I accompanied a couple from Europe, who did not speak any English, he had
spent time with this couple, their three-year-old son, who had cancer and
me. This gentleman looked very awkward
and asked me if he could take my photo. I said of course not knowing what was
happening, understanding something had gone wrong. He was accompanied by 2 seva
dal's. One them took a picture from the front and then asked me to turn to the
side. When I asked my friend what was happening he nodded uncomfortable and
said I don't know.
They then escorted me to the secretary of the
Ashram who told me I was ordered to leave as soon as possible. I had behaved
improperly and had to leave. When I asked what the reason was he commanded that
I was not allowed to ask anything, and that I was only allowed to leave.
"You are to leave the Ashram. You are strongly advised not to hang around
the village, to go as soon as possible to Bangalore and catch the first flight
out...
I left.
All my friends of the group were absolutely amazed
and destroyed when they heard that I had been expelled. Except for one
person...the same person who spoke to Sai Baba a few hours before.
So they got rid of a possible "loose
cannon"
But what about the miracles?
But what about the prophecies that describe a man
like him?
But what about the dreams I had with him? (It is
common believe that when one dreams of Sai Baba, it is actually him willing it.
You cannot dream of him if he does not will it. When you dream of him, it is
actually him coming to you, and hence , a special grace.)
But what about the "materialisations"?
Self Interest has no boundaries. The mind finds
all reasons to justify means to reach, or maintain a purpose.
But what about the three year old boy?
Now what of that three-year-old boy that Sai Baba
said he would cure? What about the fact that he had said to the parents (I was
their personal translator) that they should not bring their child to the
hospital anymore? They should not worry anymore about the therapy, "I will
take care of him and cure him".
But what about the fact that the three year old
boy died 6 months later from the disease?
What about the fact that he had promised two
friends (father and son) in our group a lingam to cure the disease of the
mother. And he promised a second time in a second trip they made. Now the son
was sick and had constant fever. How about the fact that Sai Baba still had not
given them this lingam, the mother was still sick and now he promised that he
would cure the son and not to take the medicine? How about the fact that they
went back again some 6 months later and said to Sai Baba that he could not work
without taking the pills because he could not work with 39 degrees fever. And
what about the fact that Sai Baba insisted that "it is only Body Heat,
don't worry, I will take care of you". "Don't take the
medicine", he repeated.
But what about the fact that he died several
months later?
What about the fact that when you give money you
get a nice seat on the veranda, or that you can buy Sai Baba's attention by
making big donations (you have to make sure though you pass all your personal
details through to the right people)
But what about the fact that you are likely to get
attention if you are male and good looking?
But What about the fact that he talks about
abstaining from sex but has a go whenever he can?
And what about the fact that he breaks up a
relationship to then hit on the male?
And what about the fact that he tells the a big
group of people that the perfect age difference between two people is 3 to 4
years: quote;"Unlike the guy in kitchen with the long hair who is going
out with a seventy year old women and all he does it for is the
money." But then for him, 72 years
of age it is OK to ask sexual favours from a guy who is 44 years younger?
And what about this COMPULSIVE DECEPTION?
I took me 3 years.
And I don't expect any genuine devotee of Sai Baba
to accept the above facts just like that. As a matter of fact many will come up
with a good reason why "He is an avatar anyway. His ways are not to be
scrutinised, who am I to understand."
Been there.
Nothing new.
But the facts, the truth, that for which we all
travelled to India is now calling for us. The truth is crying for help.
With the other crushing and devastating findings
(paedophilia etc) in this report from other unassuming devotees, I believe one
owes it to ones own spirit, to accept and grow and be ready to support all
those people that we considered brothers and sisters, because many of them, and
especially the older ones, who have been devotees for decades, will need all
the support they can get.
Good Luck
Hans de Kraker